July 2012
1 post
6 tags
I thought perhaps I would end this blog. It was nice knowing how much people care about nothing in particular, or how nice it is to know how selfless the world can be. I lost my baby 2 and a half weeks ago…Love you all.
June 2012
1 post
9 tags
I can’t stand it. I HATE being pregnant. I’m not happy, I’m not excited. I’m miserable. I want this to just end already. I can’t do it. I have so much to do right now.
May 2012
21 posts
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The Letter I'm Sending My Father
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Dear Raymond,
There are things I’ve felt for years. Things I’ve never dreamed of saying to you. There have been so many times I’ve cried because of you; so many sleepless nights. I’ve tried to forgive my only father for a childhood spent in hell. I thought perhaps now that I’m older and that you’ve had time to grow as well, things could be different; that we could have a...
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thehullabaloo replied to your post: Family.
I’m sorry to read about your struggles with you dad. How old is your little sister? Stay strong.
Thank you for your suport. She’s 4, and I love her to death.
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Family.
I hate my family. I only have my Dad, my step Mom, my 4 year old sister, aunt and uncle, Nanny, and 4 cousins. My mothers side of the family has been non-exhistant since 2 years after my mothers death, but that’s for another time. My father is the scum of the earth. He’s raising my sister in a home with drugs and smoking. He doesn’t have a job and the house is a pig-sty. He...
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Pregnancy
BASICS: Name: Raychel Age: 18 Birthdate:November 20, 1993 Height: 5’3 Weight gained so far: around 5 pounds
FIRSTS: Is this your first pregnancy?: Yes How did you find out you were pregnant? Intensified period symptoms and no period. What kind of pregnancy test did you take?: First Response How many?: One. What were your first symptoms?: Period symptoms and no period. Who did you tell first?:...
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Dreaming
I had such a funny dream last night! I dreamt of Ethan and I. The dream was adorable. It was full of love, and romance, and everything cute. In it, Ethan tells me something super romantic. I lean in for a kiss and just as my lips hit his, I wake up to my lips hitting a pillow. lol. I can’t wait to tell Ethan about it. He’s gonna laugh so hard! lol
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Home
I have one last chance to see my parents in August before I no longer can travel. My parents live in Ontario so it’s quite the trip, and although I usually travel 3 times a year, I’ll only be traveling once this year. It’s kinda hard concidering this is the hardest time of my life and I’ll have to endure it with absolutely no family. I’ll be spending Christmas without...
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Harrison
I have this friend who lied to me about how they found out about my pregnancy, 3 times. I have this friend who sat outside my house for 4.5 hours after I refused to talk to them. I have this friend who once peeked through my window when they came over unexpectedly. I have this friend who hates everyone except my friend Laura and I. I have this friend, and his name is Harrison. He and I argue...
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Today.
Today was crap. I woke, went to the river alone. Got bored. Met Ethan at Money Mart to chill for an hour before I headed over to work. Then he started telling me not to go to work. He told me that he wanted to go get a new phone and then we’d eat steak and go do something together before having coffee with our friend Steve. This is how it actually worked: Ethan got a new phone, we went home,...
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Our Friends
We told our friends Friday and Saturday. I think just about every one of them knows now. Our friend Melissa didn’t believe us at first, but then when she realized we weren’t kidding, she became super awkward. Telling everyone on Saturday was actually kind of funny. Ethan gave a bit of speech and right before he was about to say it, our friend Michael says,”Is Raychel...
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Ethan and I had dinner with our pastor the other night. It was nerve racking at first, but afterwards, it was a giant blessing. Pastor gave a lot of support and said a lot of great things. It was a relief to hear the biggest member of the church support us like that, especially since I’ve been stressing over telling the church. I’m still a little nervous, but at the same time,...
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New Years Baby!
Looks like the baby is due on New Years! Ethan and I are extatic. I’m 6 weeks and 5 days along now. The ultrasound was beautiful. We even got to see a heart beat. I think we’ll be alright.
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failingtobehealthy replied to your post: I’m telling more and more people as time goes on….
You could start telling only people you trust so you get used to telling people? Better tell them before your belly starts showing or they will REALLY talk behind your back
That’s what we’ve been doing. It’s funny that you say “before they start to notice”....
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I’m telling more and more people as time goes on. That doesn’t mean a lot of people know though. I’m so worried about what people will think. I know that sounds bad, but I care about the people who surround me. They always say that I’m kind hearted and a woman of God, and I know that this situation doesn’t change that, but I can’t help but wonder what...
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Hospital
Yesterday evening, Ethan and I were hanging out at my house. I went to the bathroom and found pink coloring on the toilet tissue. We had to go to the hospital. I’m terrified of hospitals, so it took a lot for him to convince me to go. Everything’s fine though. Doctor said that the baby looks fine, and that sometimes early on, you’ll have the occasional fetal bleed, which is just...
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My baby is stealing all of my food!!!!!! I’M LIKE, EATING EVERYTHING, AND I’M STILL STARVING. -sob-
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I had the weirdest dream last night. I had a dream that we were expecing a boy and that I was only 3-4 months along, so I wasn’t quite showing yet. Then, out of no where, I go into labor, and Ethan drives me to someones basement suit. The baby comes out just fine, except, it’s a girl. The atmosphere of my dream was just so weird. lol. A basement suit? Let’s hope my boyfriend...
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Things are becoming easier and easier to cope with. My dad took it so well, as did Ethan’s parents. Both sides are being supportive and I thank God for that every night. Family is so important when you’re just a couple of teenagers having a kid. You need love and support in times of trouble, and we’re getting just that.
April 2012
26 posts
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Our ultrasound appointment as been rescheduled until next week. Oh well.
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We’re telling the parents today. I’m very scared.
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Tomorrow, Ethan and I will be going to our first ultrasound. I’ll also be getting a number of other tests done, but I’m actually a little excited. =]
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Another Option
Tonight, Ethan and I had dinner with Blaine and Janelle (Ethan’s brother and his wife). After dinner, we talked about our situation and some options we might want to concider. Janelle started off with the possibility of keeping the baby. She offered me the basement for $400 a month and all the access to baby materials as needed. Ethan wasn’t offered this because no matter what our...
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failingtobehealthy replied to your post: Ethan said he wants to keep the baby. He even said…
Flip a coin and then listen to the voice in your heart that wishes for head/tail to be up.
lol. Flip a coin?? That’s cute ;) Made me chuckle.
Anonymous asked: What do you think about abortion? (Not for you but in general!)
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Ethan said he wants to keep the baby. He even said that if I didn’t want to, he would still keep it. This bothers me slightly. I’m not sure why to be honest, but I think it’s because I don’t really want to keep it. I’m not ready to be a mommy, financially and emotionally, and I kinda wanted to grow more with Ethan before I became a parent with him. We talked about it...
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Sometimes, Prayer Is The Answer To All Our...
Ethan said something last night that really caught my attention. We were continuing our conversation from the night before, and I told him that it felt like he wasn’t worried about a thing, when I’m over here worrying like a crazy person. He said, “Raychel, it’s not that I’m not worried. I am worried. I assure you that I sleep just as little as you do, and sometimes...
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I went to the walk-in clinic last night with Ethan. I am most certainly positive for pregnancy. It was funny, I wasn’t so upset when I was in that office with him. It was like the rest of the world was non-existent and all that was left was Ethan, myself and the baby. I find that I don’t care as much when I don’t think about losing things or about what other people will think...
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Ethan’s brother used to really scare me. I used to get nervous and anxious when we would visit him. I don’t know what it was about him that scared me though. Probably his character. Conservative; authoritative. He’s married with 2 kids and he’s pretty much worshiped at church. Everyone knows him and loves him. Ethan couldn’t live without him. Blaine (Ethan’s...
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Anonymous asked: im going through the SAME EXACT thing, im so happy i came across your blog to see someones going through the same thing as me. sucks not being able to talk to anyone or trust anyone to even talk to them.
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Today I’m going to the clinic for the first time. I asked him to go but after our last, very happy, conversation, I don’t even feel like seeing him. I have never felt more alone with the way I feel. It’s like he doesn’t understand anymore. The one person who should, and it’s driving me over the edge. I know it sounds ridiculous to want him to stop being happy, but...
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It’s like he is NEVER sad about anything!!! Then he tells me I’m being ridiculous for thinking it’s weird that he’s always happy about this?? Why is he so happy??? “It’s a new begining”. SHUT.UP. It’s also the end to everthing I’ve ever known!! It’s the end of everything. “It’s not the end of the world”. OMG. No....
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painkeepsmesane asked: hey beautiful, i cant imagine what you must be going through, but if you ever want to talk about it, or need anything im always here to help :) you'll get through this, just stay strong <3
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Ever wake up, and wish that you hadn’t??
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You know those people? The ones who complain about absolutely nothing?
“Oh! My boyfriend hasn’t picked up his phone in 2 hours!” “Oh! Another sleepless night! I have to finish my essay paper”
Yeah….fuck you. I wish those were my problems. I wish the only thing I had to worry about was the whereabouts of my boyfriend or the due date of my school work.
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Dreams
I wanted so much to happen before I was to ever have children. I wanted to go to school, I wanted to travel the world with him. I wanted us to fall in love and get married. I wanted to do so much…but now it feels like everything I ever wanted, is burning to the ground as we speak.
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It’s been 3 days since I found out I’m pregnant. I cry at least twice a day now. It’s hard to come to terms with the fact that I am now carrying a baby inside of me. It was difficult when I found out. When my eyes met with the positive sign, I threw the stick and ran outside to my backyard. I cried so hard. My best friends met me about an hour later and I cried even harder. It...
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